We always intended to arrive here. When things looked bleak and depressing, we kept a happy thought and a prayer. And now, it seems like we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Yesterday, I scheduled our last post-placement visit with our social worker. The state of Illinois requires three visits after adoptive parents bring a baby home. When I called to schedule it, I asked if we could do it on July 27th and she said we needed to do it before everything was final.
So, things are winding down. Before we brought Elijah home, I sometimes didn't think we'd ever get to this point. Even in February when we were at home with him, six months seemed like a long time away. But somehow here we are. The papers will soon all be filed and signed and we will get a birth certificate from Birthmother's home state that says "Elijah Nathan" with our last name and lists Nathan and I as his parents.
It feels strange now that, in a sense, this adoption will no longer be part of our day-to-day lives. He will officially be our baby and it won't matter how it came to be that way. (Not that it matters now.)
But in another way, adoption is now part of the fabric of our lives. It will be our special bedtime story, our long road trip story, our "Mama and Daddy love you so much" story. Every time we tell it, we will explain how courageous Birthmother was and how very much she loved him.
But I think we'll have a little party when we get the official paperwork (or phone call or however the notification process works.)
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
7 Quick Takes
one
One of the reasons I haven't posted much lately, apart from work and a baby who doesn't like napping, is because I've been trying hard to come up with a post topic that isn't baby-centric. And I honestly haven't been able to. I promise, I'm still my own person, but it seems like everything I do, with the exception of going to work, centers around Elijah. Not that that's a bad thing.
two
Earlier this week, my laptop's hard drive crashed, taking all of our pictures and all of my writing with it. Nathan rushed it to his good friend A., who is very handy with things like that, and I was told the information is still there, it is just inaccessible at this point. For a day or two Nathan and I shared his computer, which is never a good idea, trust me, there's a reason we have two computers. A. took the bad hard drive out and installed a fresh clean one and sent the computer back. So, we have to look into finding a data recovery service that isn't horribly expensive.
three
I'm never any good at cooking in the summer time. I like heavy rich foods, and I'm not overly fond of vegetables. I can never come up with any light recipes that sound good. I usually just resort to making the heavier foods in the crock pot so I don't overheat the house.
four
Elijah's first real baby food was carrots. He was undecided about them at first, but eventually got to the point where I couldn't get the spoon to his mouth fast enough. Today we started him on peas. He had no problems with peas, which was surprising to me, I have always thought of peas as an acquired taste.
five
My brother and sisters and their families are coming home this weekend! Unfortunately, I won't get to see Elizabeth because she's only going to be at the big family gathering tomorrow, which I have to miss. But Nate and his family and Anne are both going to be in town for several days! I'm very excited about this. Mom even has some free passes to the Shedd Aquarium so Anne and I are going to take Elijah downtown on one of my days off.
Six
We only have one month left to go before the adoption should be finalized! I'm sure we'll have some kind of party.
Seven
I know I talk about Elijah not napping, but I took this picture earlier this week during one of our morning naps, which have been getting shorter and shorter. It's one of my new favorite pictures.
Check out more 7 Quick Takes here!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Awkward...
This is something that never even crossed my mind when Nathan and I were in the midst of the adoption process. Here's a scenario which has played out several times since we brought Elijah home:
Random Stranger sees Pretty Lady with Adorable Newborn and decides to ask Pretty Lady questions about her pregnancy. I really never even considered this happening. Was I being naive?
Mom and I went shopping in Rockford the other day and had lunch at Olive Garden. Seeing that I had ordered a Diet Coke, the waitress, who was very nice, asked if it was true that drinking caffeine during pregnancy makes for less calm babies.
We then went to the mall where we stopped at Victoria's Secret because I needed new bras. The floor attendant got ready to measure my bust and asked me if it was the first time I had been measured "since baby."
It's not so much a problem that this is catching me off guard, the problem is I don't know how to respond without telling everyone in the world that Elijah is adopted. It's not a bad thing that he is, but I don't want people seeing him as my "adopted son," just my son.
I've also run into a similar problem with people I know, but don't see as often. I don't know why, but ever since we made the decision to adopt, I assumed everyone we knew would know that's what we were doing. Turns out, not so much. Every time I see someone whom I haven't seen in a while and don't interact with on Facebook, they see Elijah, get really excited and say, "I didn't know you had a baby!"
Well...I didn't, but I do.
If there are any other adoptive moms out there who have run into similar situations and have advice how to handle this, I'd appreciate it. Any non-adoptive moms with advice would be welcome, too. :)
Random Stranger sees Pretty Lady with Adorable Newborn and decides to ask Pretty Lady questions about her pregnancy. I really never even considered this happening. Was I being naive?
Mom and I went shopping in Rockford the other day and had lunch at Olive Garden. Seeing that I had ordered a Diet Coke, the waitress, who was very nice, asked if it was true that drinking caffeine during pregnancy makes for less calm babies.
We then went to the mall where we stopped at Victoria's Secret because I needed new bras. The floor attendant got ready to measure my bust and asked me if it was the first time I had been measured "since baby."
It's not so much a problem that this is catching me off guard, the problem is I don't know how to respond without telling everyone in the world that Elijah is adopted. It's not a bad thing that he is, but I don't want people seeing him as my "adopted son," just my son.
I've also run into a similar problem with people I know, but don't see as often. I don't know why, but ever since we made the decision to adopt, I assumed everyone we knew would know that's what we were doing. Turns out, not so much. Every time I see someone whom I haven't seen in a while and don't interact with on Facebook, they see Elijah, get really excited and say, "I didn't know you had a baby!"
Well...I didn't, but I do.
If there are any other adoptive moms out there who have run into similar situations and have advice how to handle this, I'd appreciate it. Any non-adoptive moms with advice would be welcome, too. :)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Elijah Nathan
I was asleep, to begin with. It was mid-afternoon on Wednesday, January 18 and I still had about an hour to sleep. But, the phone rang. In my sleepy haze, I answered the phone and heard Nathan talking about our adoption agency calling him. They said a birthmother in a neighboring state really liked our profile and wanted to talk to us. He kept saying I needed to call the agency because she wanted to talk to us that night. Finally, my mind started working and all I could say was, "Nathan, did she pick us?" He responded with "Yeah, that's why they want you to call them." I hung up right away and called our adoption agency. Our adoption coordinator answered the phone and said "talk about things happening for a reason." Then, she told me about a birthmother who had one or two conditions we initially hadn't said we would accept.
"I didn't mean to send her your profile," the coordinator said. "But I must have accidentally put it in the pile of profiles I sent because she picked you guys and wants to talk to you tonight." She went on to tell me a few things about the birthmother, and that she was having a boy in one week. Then the coordinator gave me Birthmother's name and phone number. I was in shock. We hadn't even heard of this situation before hand. She just liked our profile enough to think we would be good parents to her little boy. Suddenly those few conditions didn't seem so daunting and we were so excited.
Nathan came home that night and we called her. We were all very nervous, but it was a wonderful conversation which lasted about an hour. She told us she wanted us to be in the delivery room when the baby was born. She explained why she picked us and we told her about our lives at home and how we plan to handle day care after I go back to work. She said she expected to need to be induced.
The minute we hung up the phone, I pulled out our big black duffel bag and started packing it. I made sure the diaper bag was still packed from the last time we got called. We told our parents and siblings. We told our bosses. Things went on pretty much as they had before. I spoke with the birthmother one other time as we waited. But, really, things were different. I bought a car seat.
I put together the swing we bought and the bouncy seat we received as a present from my brother and sister-in-law.
We had to get all our paperwork updated and retained lawyers in both our state and Birthmother's state. Birthmother was due on Friday, January 27 and we were ready to head to her state when she was induced.
Nathan responded to all this stress by not sleeping. He wasn't going to bed until 3 am most nights. Finally on Wednesday the 25th, his body said "no more" and he was in bed at 7 pm. That was my Sunday, so I stayed up, sitting at my computer reading articles about newborn care and playing an on-line game with a friend from work. (We all keep strange hours.) At 4 am Thursday, January 26, Nathan's alarm went off. He didn't move and I shut if off.
Fifteen minutes later the phone rang, it was Birthmother. "Margaret, I'm in labor," she said. "Okay, we'll be there as fast as we can," was all I could say. I shook Nathan's shoulder and woke him. "Birthmother is in labor, we have to leave now." "What?" he responded. I finished packing our big duffel bag, I double checked both of the baby's bags. An hour later, after Nathan had checked the car over carefully and we installed the car seat for the first time, we left. We drove for seven hours, had one near miss with a semi and arrived safely at the hospital.
We made it, Birthmother was still in labor. Her parents were both in the room and a friend of hers arrived. Everyone was wonderful and even the hospital staff referred to us as "the parents." She started pushing about 2 hours after we got there. I stood on her left side and helped brace her while she pushed. Nathan sat in the corner.
Baby boy arrived at 4:46 pm Thursday, January 26, 2012. He was 8.09 lbs and 20 1/2 in. We named him Elijah Nathan. He was perfect and pink and healthy.
When the doctor pulled him out and placed him on Birthmother's chest, she reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling it up to the baby's stomach. I could feel tears running down my cheeks. I glanced over and Nathan was standing up, smiling with a look of complete awe and happiness. Then they took Elijah off and cleaned him up, wrapped him and handed him to me. I couldn't help it, I started singing to him. The first song that came to my mind, which, I think is called "The Spinning Wheel." After that, I handed him to Nathan.
The hospital gave us an empty room to stay in so that Elijah could be with us and we could feed and change him. We were there for two days before moving to a hotel. The next day we traveled to a bigger city where the lawyer's office is and stayed in a hotel there. It was another five days before we finally received clearance from our state and Birthmother's state and were told we could leave.
It has been so nice to be home. Elijah is such a good baby, he sleeps well and eats well. He doesn't fuss unless he is wet or hungry or wants his pacifier.
We thank God for Birthmother and for everyone who has supported us and cheered for us all along the way.
"I didn't mean to send her your profile," the coordinator said. "But I must have accidentally put it in the pile of profiles I sent because she picked you guys and wants to talk to you tonight." She went on to tell me a few things about the birthmother, and that she was having a boy in one week. Then the coordinator gave me Birthmother's name and phone number. I was in shock. We hadn't even heard of this situation before hand. She just liked our profile enough to think we would be good parents to her little boy. Suddenly those few conditions didn't seem so daunting and we were so excited.
Nathan came home that night and we called her. We were all very nervous, but it was a wonderful conversation which lasted about an hour. She told us she wanted us to be in the delivery room when the baby was born. She explained why she picked us and we told her about our lives at home and how we plan to handle day care after I go back to work. She said she expected to need to be induced.
The minute we hung up the phone, I pulled out our big black duffel bag and started packing it. I made sure the diaper bag was still packed from the last time we got called. We told our parents and siblings. We told our bosses. Things went on pretty much as they had before. I spoke with the birthmother one other time as we waited. But, really, things were different. I bought a car seat.
Nathan responded to all this stress by not sleeping. He wasn't going to bed until 3 am most nights. Finally on Wednesday the 25th, his body said "no more" and he was in bed at 7 pm. That was my Sunday, so I stayed up, sitting at my computer reading articles about newborn care and playing an on-line game with a friend from work. (We all keep strange hours.) At 4 am Thursday, January 26, Nathan's alarm went off. He didn't move and I shut if off.
Fifteen minutes later the phone rang, it was Birthmother. "Margaret, I'm in labor," she said. "Okay, we'll be there as fast as we can," was all I could say. I shook Nathan's shoulder and woke him. "Birthmother is in labor, we have to leave now." "What?" he responded. I finished packing our big duffel bag, I double checked both of the baby's bags. An hour later, after Nathan had checked the car over carefully and we installed the car seat for the first time, we left. We drove for seven hours, had one near miss with a semi and arrived safely at the hospital.
We made it, Birthmother was still in labor. Her parents were both in the room and a friend of hers arrived. Everyone was wonderful and even the hospital staff referred to us as "the parents." She started pushing about 2 hours after we got there. I stood on her left side and helped brace her while she pushed. Nathan sat in the corner.
Baby boy arrived at 4:46 pm Thursday, January 26, 2012. He was 8.09 lbs and 20 1/2 in. We named him Elijah Nathan. He was perfect and pink and healthy.
When the doctor pulled him out and placed him on Birthmother's chest, she reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling it up to the baby's stomach. I could feel tears running down my cheeks. I glanced over and Nathan was standing up, smiling with a look of complete awe and happiness. Then they took Elijah off and cleaned him up, wrapped him and handed him to me. I couldn't help it, I started singing to him. The first song that came to my mind, which, I think is called "The Spinning Wheel." After that, I handed him to Nathan.
The hospital gave us an empty room to stay in so that Elijah could be with us and we could feed and change him. We were there for two days before moving to a hotel. The next day we traveled to a bigger city where the lawyer's office is and stayed in a hotel there. It was another five days before we finally received clearance from our state and Birthmother's state and were told we could leave.
It has been so nice to be home. Elijah is such a good baby, he sleeps well and eats well. He doesn't fuss unless he is wet or hungry or wants his pacifier.
We thank God for Birthmother and for everyone who has supported us and cheered for us all along the way.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
So, here it is
Early last month, Nathan and I got an e-mail from our adoption agency saying there is a birthmother in another state that was due to give birth in mid-November and gave us a basic run down of her situation. We considered it and talked to my mother and sent them an e-mail back saying we would like our profile presented to her. Usually, they just show our profile, but this time her situation didn't match our parameters perfectly, so they wanted to make sure before they showed her our info.
Then, two Mondays ago (the 29th) I woke up at 12:30 to a phone call saying she chose us and she was basically due any second. I was over the moon. I called Nathan and he was over the moon. Our parents and siblings all celebrated with us. I had another 4 hours to sleep, but of course that wasn't about to happen now. So I decorated for Christmas and ran over lists in my head of everything we would need.
We both let our bosses know we would probably be gone for a while and, because you can't keep secrets where I work, everyone knew by the time I got there that night. It was a fantastic day.
Mom and I went shopping and picked up some little things we didn't have that we would need.
I bought some Dreft and did my first ever load of baby laundry.
I washed my first ever group of bottles.
We packed the diaper bag.
Then, we waited for the call. And we waited. Days passed and we waited. Finally, this past Monday, I called the adoption agency to see if there was any news. They advised me that she most likely had the baby already and decided to keep it and not say anything to anyone.
We were heartbroken. But at the same time, I knew that if it wasn't meant to be then it was better he stayed with his mother. Even though it didn't work out, it still gave us reason to hope. We've been contracted with our agency since June 2010 and this is the first time we know of that someone has been serious about us. It is uplifting, even though it fell through.
And if you're one of the many people we didn't tell when we heard she picked us: this is why. Our parents wanted very badly to tell everyone but we asked them to hold off, in case this happened. I couldn't bear to think of having to tell everyone it didn't work out.
So, yeah, it sucks and yeah, yesterday when I was addressing Christmas cards and watching Santa Claus is Coming to town I started crying randomly. But we keep praying and hopefully, we'll have a baby soon.
Then, two Mondays ago (the 29th) I woke up at 12:30 to a phone call saying she chose us and she was basically due any second. I was over the moon. I called Nathan and he was over the moon. Our parents and siblings all celebrated with us. I had another 4 hours to sleep, but of course that wasn't about to happen now. So I decorated for Christmas and ran over lists in my head of everything we would need.
We both let our bosses know we would probably be gone for a while and, because you can't keep secrets where I work, everyone knew by the time I got there that night. It was a fantastic day.
Mom and I went shopping and picked up some little things we didn't have that we would need.
I bought some Dreft and did my first ever load of baby laundry.
I washed my first ever group of bottles.
We packed the diaper bag.
Then, we waited for the call. And we waited. Days passed and we waited. Finally, this past Monday, I called the adoption agency to see if there was any news. They advised me that she most likely had the baby already and decided to keep it and not say anything to anyone.
We were heartbroken. But at the same time, I knew that if it wasn't meant to be then it was better he stayed with his mother. Even though it didn't work out, it still gave us reason to hope. We've been contracted with our agency since June 2010 and this is the first time we know of that someone has been serious about us. It is uplifting, even though it fell through.
And if you're one of the many people we didn't tell when we heard she picked us: this is why. Our parents wanted very badly to tell everyone but we asked them to hold off, in case this happened. I couldn't bear to think of having to tell everyone it didn't work out.
So, yeah, it sucks and yeah, yesterday when I was addressing Christmas cards and watching Santa Claus is Coming to town I started crying randomly. But we keep praying and hopefully, we'll have a baby soon.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
1,000 Little things
Lately, every time I think to myself, I should write a post about that, I realize it would only last a paragraph or two. There just isn't that much going on around here:
I've been on vacation since the 18th and go back Saturday. It has been very nice. Mostly, I've stayed home and relaxed.
Nathan and I celebrated our 5th anniversary on the 21st with a dinner at JMK Nippon in Rockford, the restaurant we went to for our first "official" date and also where we went the night we got engaged.
On the 22nd, my cousin got married and we all got to spend time with the family, one of my favorite things.
Because of some strange symptoms and goings on with my health, I am now wearing a 4-week event monitor, which I began on Monday. I have to say, I'm not a fan. Hopefully, this will tell the doctors what they want to know.
For Christmas last year, Elizabeth gave me fall colored yarn and I just finished knitting it into a blanket. The blanket itself isn't very big, but it's more decorative than anything.
Fall is a very busy time for Nathan. He pitched in again this year at the apple orchard close to home. He does this every year because the people who own it are friends of his parents. Now that that's over it will be time to help out with harvest soon.
We just had one of our biannual visits with our social worker. It seemed to go well and she was very encouraging.
That's about all we've got going on here.
I've been on vacation since the 18th and go back Saturday. It has been very nice. Mostly, I've stayed home and relaxed.
Nathan and I celebrated our 5th anniversary on the 21st with a dinner at JMK Nippon in Rockford, the restaurant we went to for our first "official" date and also where we went the night we got engaged.
On the 22nd, my cousin got married and we all got to spend time with the family, one of my favorite things.
Because of some strange symptoms and goings on with my health, I am now wearing a 4-week event monitor, which I began on Monday. I have to say, I'm not a fan. Hopefully, this will tell the doctors what they want to know.
For Christmas last year, Elizabeth gave me fall colored yarn and I just finished knitting it into a blanket. The blanket itself isn't very big, but it's more decorative than anything.
We just had one of our biannual visits with our social worker. It seemed to go well and she was very encouraging.
That's about all we've got going on here.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Wishful Shopping
It has been just over a year since we signed our contract with Angel Adoption. Since it's a two year contract, I have always kind of dreaded getting to this place. We are over halfway through now, and as far as I know, no closer to becoming parents.
I do my best to keep mine and Nathan's spirits up and remind myself that God's timing is not our timing, but it doesn't always help. Why is it that when things are starting to look a little bleak or become a little overwhelming, is when everyone I know gets pregnant or has their baby? I've noticed this phenomenon throughout the whole process.
My biggest problem is figuring out what to do with myself. How do I spend my time? What should I be buying or preparing? Is buying or preparing anything a universal adoption jinx that I just don't know about?
And then there's Nathan...Nathan who won't talk about the baby much or even how he's feeling about the process unless I mention it's stressing me out. He doesn't like to talk about names or painting the nusery (even though it needs to be done). How am I supposed to support Nathan and his feelings when I don't even know what they are? Why do men always think we are mindreaders?
I've read all the adoption books I care to and they can't really say anything new about where we are in the process because really, there is no set way to handle it.
With that in mind, I actually have done a little shopping...We decided a long time ago, that we wanted the nursery theme to be farm animals; it's perfect, cute and reflects who we (or rather Nathan) are as people and its androgynous, which is probably the most important factor.
Not long after we signed the contract Fisher Price came out with a line of swings called "How Now Brown Cow" that was a farming theme. Our local Target started carrying it and everytime I walked into the store I would go and stare wistfully at the swings. Nathan got a $50 giftcard from work for administrative professionals day and I knew he would never use it, so early last month, I went to Target and bought the swing, which was normally $100 but was on sale the day I got there...
Not long after, I went to Lombard with my mom, who was shopping for a baby shower gift for my nephew Brian Patrick. We went into Babies R Us and one of the first things I saw was a 6-piece crib set on sale for $90 from about $180. Seriously, this was an amazing sale. The theme was "Animal Acres" and since then I've found they actually discontinued the set. So, I bought that too. While we were there my mom picked up an extra crib sheet and the wall appliques of the same set for me.
There are a bunch of other things I want to do. I want to find a smallish bookcase and paint it white and then add in pastel paints of all different colors, my favorite quotes from all the books I love beginning with "Once upon a time in Spain..." from Ferdinand, my very first favorite book. I've picked out two possible colors for the nursery and I'd like to get it painted. I want to spend half a paycheck on books and buy the cute "police uniform" onesie I saw in an ad the other day.
But maybe I'll wait...
I do my best to keep mine and Nathan's spirits up and remind myself that God's timing is not our timing, but it doesn't always help. Why is it that when things are starting to look a little bleak or become a little overwhelming, is when everyone I know gets pregnant or has their baby? I've noticed this phenomenon throughout the whole process.
My biggest problem is figuring out what to do with myself. How do I spend my time? What should I be buying or preparing? Is buying or preparing anything a universal adoption jinx that I just don't know about?
And then there's Nathan...Nathan who won't talk about the baby much or even how he's feeling about the process unless I mention it's stressing me out. He doesn't like to talk about names or painting the nusery (even though it needs to be done). How am I supposed to support Nathan and his feelings when I don't even know what they are? Why do men always think we are mindreaders?
I've read all the adoption books I care to and they can't really say anything new about where we are in the process because really, there is no set way to handle it.
With that in mind, I actually have done a little shopping...We decided a long time ago, that we wanted the nursery theme to be farm animals; it's perfect, cute and reflects who we (or rather Nathan) are as people and its androgynous, which is probably the most important factor.
Not long after we signed the contract Fisher Price came out with a line of swings called "How Now Brown Cow" that was a farming theme. Our local Target started carrying it and everytime I walked into the store I would go and stare wistfully at the swings. Nathan got a $50 giftcard from work for administrative professionals day and I knew he would never use it, so early last month, I went to Target and bought the swing, which was normally $100 but was on sale the day I got there...
But maybe I'll wait...
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Profile Pictures...again
At the beginning of the month I received an e-mail from our adoption agency asking for new pictures for our profile. We have been with them for a year now and they wanted to freshen up our profile. This is understandable, but it still made me cringe. It was so hard to get enough good photos last time, I did not look forward to trying it again, especially because when I got the e-mail Nathan was still spending all his available time in the fields helping with planting. But they finished last week and we've been able to slip in a few photo shoots and I mailed off the new pictures yesterday.
The setting in this picture is Nathan's parents' backyard by the creek and I think it's a lovely place for a photo.
This was taken at my parents' house after our nephew's baptism. I believe the phrase I used for Nathan's hair is "a little overwhelming." But it's a good picture. By the way, you can't tell, but I'm wearing a really cute dress in this...just saying.
I love this one. It's just really good. I don't remember why I decided cartoon character T-shirts was a good idea, but I still think so.
We took these last ones yesterday at my Mom and Dad's. I think they're supercute.
Yep, we even had a wardrobe change yesterday. There are several of us in our blue and green and I love them all, but this might be the best one.
Nathan really wanted a picture of us in front of one of his Dad's tractors. We took two and this is definitely the better picture.
I think I sent more than one picture of each set except the first one. I hope these work for the agency and I also hope they retain some of the older ones. There were one or two that we were really good.
Also, I will post soon about having one year in with the agency and how we are doing with that, I just haven't worked up the nerve yet.
I think I sent more than one picture of each set except the first one. I hope these work for the agency and I also hope they retain some of the older ones. There were one or two that we were really good.
Also, I will post soon about having one year in with the agency and how we are doing with that, I just haven't worked up the nerve yet.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Updates
Most of this is WAY over due...sorry about that.
The most important thing is that we now have a nephew. On March 15, Alicia, my sister-in-law went into labor and, a few hours later, had a baby boy, Brian Patrick Eaton. Their family lives in Virginia, so unfortunately I have not been able to see my nephew yet in person. But Nate has posted several pictures on Facebook and, honestly, the little guy is adorable! My parents (Brian's Grandpa and Nonna Eaton) are in Virginia right now enjoying their new role as grandparents. Early next month I am going to New Jersey to stay with Anne and we will make the trip down to visit Nate and his family, very much looking forward to that!
In all honesty, my cardiologist appointment did not go as badly as I feared it would. It turns out, in the last ten years, an entirely new specialty has developed called "Adults with Congenital Heart Defects." There are doctors these days who make this a field of study and practice. I find this hilarious since 10 years is almost exactly how long I have been in need of a doctor like this. I guess I'm never going to stop being at the cutting edge of cardiac medicine. So the doctor we went to see last month will be like my medical supervisor and she will send me to the specialists I need to go to. I don't know how I feel about having more than one cardiologist, but I guess it's better than going to the wrong doctors!
Our social worker is coming for her biannual house visit. This is more depressing than it should be, I think. I would like to believe we are closer to having a child, but as far as I know nothing new has happened.
The most important thing is that we now have a nephew. On March 15, Alicia, my sister-in-law went into labor and, a few hours later, had a baby boy, Brian Patrick Eaton. Their family lives in Virginia, so unfortunately I have not been able to see my nephew yet in person. But Nate has posted several pictures on Facebook and, honestly, the little guy is adorable! My parents (Brian's Grandpa and Nonna Eaton) are in Virginia right now enjoying their new role as grandparents. Early next month I am going to New Jersey to stay with Anne and we will make the trip down to visit Nate and his family, very much looking forward to that!
In all honesty, my cardiologist appointment did not go as badly as I feared it would. It turns out, in the last ten years, an entirely new specialty has developed called "Adults with Congenital Heart Defects." There are doctors these days who make this a field of study and practice. I find this hilarious since 10 years is almost exactly how long I have been in need of a doctor like this. I guess I'm never going to stop being at the cutting edge of cardiac medicine. So the doctor we went to see last month will be like my medical supervisor and she will send me to the specialists I need to go to. I don't know how I feel about having more than one cardiologist, but I guess it's better than going to the wrong doctors!
Our social worker is coming for her biannual house visit. This is more depressing than it should be, I think. I would like to believe we are closer to having a child, but as far as I know nothing new has happened.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
While we wait...
Two months ago Nathan and I became officially certified foster parents. Since then the wait has been a very big, but unspoken part of our lives. I've been wondering, since then, what are acceptable baby-related activities for prospective adoptive parents.
We plan on painting the baby's room, but haven't done it yet. I've been knitting baby hats and booties like crazy. I bought a couple baby outfits, just one or two in case we get a call out of the blue and need to be ready right away. And yes, we have picked out names, more or less, Nathan doesn't like to make "concrete" pronouncements until he absolutely has to. But the girl's name we picked so far is Natalie Joyce and for a boy Elijah Tarbert (it's my paternal grandmother's maiden name).
But part of me is scared that having done even these few and necessary things, we might be "jinxing" oursevles in some way. I don't know many other adoptive parents, so I don't know how far ahead or behind we actually are. Part of me wants to buy all the nursery furniture we need right now, car seats, toys and everything and just have the room absolutely ready for the little one. We told the agency we would happily accept twins if the chance arose. Should we have secondary names picked out, just in case?
I don't know how much of this is "in case" and how much is just masochistic.
We plan on painting the baby's room, but haven't done it yet. I've been knitting baby hats and booties like crazy. I bought a couple baby outfits, just one or two in case we get a call out of the blue and need to be ready right away. And yes, we have picked out names, more or less, Nathan doesn't like to make "concrete" pronouncements until he absolutely has to. But the girl's name we picked so far is Natalie Joyce and for a boy Elijah Tarbert (it's my paternal grandmother's maiden name).
But part of me is scared that having done even these few and necessary things, we might be "jinxing" oursevles in some way. I don't know many other adoptive parents, so I don't know how far ahead or behind we actually are. Part of me wants to buy all the nursery furniture we need right now, car seats, toys and everything and just have the room absolutely ready for the little one. We told the agency we would happily accept twins if the chance arose. Should we have secondary names picked out, just in case?
I don't know how much of this is "in case" and how much is just masochistic.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Moving up
It was nice to have a two day weekend for the first time in a while, but I have to say, I kind of ruined it. I have been so worked up about the fact that our license was completed and yet the agency we are working with didn't have our profile up on their web site yet. I think I must have driven the poor ladies that work there crazy with my e-mails.
Tuesday night I e-mailed them apologizing and saying the only reason I was feeling that anxious was because Nathan and I have never been through this process before so we don't really know how it works. They were nice enough to assure me I was not in fact driving them crazy and it was normal to feel jumpy. I was also told they have already showed the paper copy of our profile to several birth mothers. This made me feel much better.
Then I went to work and when I got home our profile was up on their web site. If you want to have a look, click here. Now we begin the wait.
Tuesday night I e-mailed them apologizing and saying the only reason I was feeling that anxious was because Nathan and I have never been through this process before so we don't really know how it works. They were nice enough to assure me I was not in fact driving them crazy and it was normal to feel jumpy. I was also told they have already showed the paper copy of our profile to several birth mothers. This made me feel much better.
Then I went to work and when I got home our profile was up on their web site. If you want to have a look, click here. Now we begin the wait.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Licensed!
We are officially ready to be adoptive parents. We have been vetted and licensed by the State of Illinois. They have signed off on us as people and are prepared to let us raise whatever children God may choose to give us. We are very blessed.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Stepping forward...a little
Finally, after many months of anxiety and checking the mailbox everyday for our license, all our paperwork for the adoption has gone through successfully. We still haven't gotten our physical license yet, but our social worker assured Nathan by phone the other day that everything has been okayed and we should have the license within the week.
And hopefully, in the next few days, our information will appear on our agency's website. This is the official last step before we are chosen. And yet, I find myself feeling even more anxious and nervous now than I did when nothing was happening. We have come almost eight months into our two year contact and have only gotten this far. I am very afraid no one will have chosen us by the time our contract runs out.
But I am excited. I have started looking at cribs and infant necessities. I hope we'll need them soon
And hopefully, in the next few days, our information will appear on our agency's website. This is the official last step before we are chosen. And yet, I find myself feeling even more anxious and nervous now than I did when nothing was happening. We have come almost eight months into our two year contact and have only gotten this far. I am very afraid no one will have chosen us by the time our contract runs out.
But I am excited. I have started looking at cribs and infant necessities. I hope we'll need them soon
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
My fears
Now that we are officially done getting things put together for the home study, and I have time to think about the adoption and how things are going, I'm experiencing more fear and anxiety than I thought I was going to.
The thing is, the agency we contracted with works off a 2 year time frame. So, we have two years from this past June to find a birth mother. We haven't had our home study approved yet, and we're already almost at 6 months. This terrifies me. Going in to this process we had no real idea what it was going to be like.
We knew nothing about adoption except what we had gleaned from the little bit we read and the failed meetings we went to. Then we found our agency and signed the contract and got started with our social worker. We didn't know that we could schedule our meetings with her a week apart if we wanted. We didn't get right on top of the paperwork because we were expecting things to just naturally take forever.
Now here we sit, ready to start looking for a birth mother but held back by the stupidity of our own naivete. And what happens if our 2 years runs out and no one has picked us yet? No one has said, yes, I want them to take care of my child. We could keep working with them on a month-to-month basis or we could go it alone. That comes with its own set of fears. Gah!
The thing is, the agency we contracted with works off a 2 year time frame. So, we have two years from this past June to find a birth mother. We haven't had our home study approved yet, and we're already almost at 6 months. This terrifies me. Going in to this process we had no real idea what it was going to be like.
We knew nothing about adoption except what we had gleaned from the little bit we read and the failed meetings we went to. Then we found our agency and signed the contract and got started with our social worker. We didn't know that we could schedule our meetings with her a week apart if we wanted. We didn't get right on top of the paperwork because we were expecting things to just naturally take forever.
Now here we sit, ready to start looking for a birth mother but held back by the stupidity of our own naivete. And what happens if our 2 years runs out and no one has picked us yet? No one has said, yes, I want them to take care of my child. We could keep working with them on a month-to-month basis or we could go it alone. That comes with its own set of fears. Gah!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
4th Anniversary Weekend
In celebration of our 4th anniversary, which conveniently fell on a Thursday, which is my Saturday, I took two extra days off. And I have to say, my four day weekend was very worth it.
We spent our actual anniversary day in an adoption seminar listening to birthmothers tell stories about their relationships with the children they placed for adoption and the families they were placed into. Our anniversary dinner was at Taco Bell. Oh well.
The next day was 4th anniversary observed and we went out to dinner at my favorite bar. Sadly, the food was not of the best quality, definitley not what it has been in the past. Then we went to the university where the theater and dance department was putting on a production of Twelfth Night my favorite of Shakespeare's comedies. It was awesome.
And really, the rest of the weekend was very low key. Saturday, which might actually have been my favorite day of the whole weekend, we didn't do anything. Literally. We stayed at home, we read, we played video games. We didn't actually leave the house until close to 11 pm when we decided we wanted a pizza. Sunday must have been "family day" we had breakfast with my family and then spent most of the rest of the night with Nathan's family. It was pretty great.
Thanks to my mom and dad for the lovely card and the cookies, they did not make it through the weekend. Thanks to Pam and Craig for the new microwave. I LOVE IT!
We spent our actual anniversary day in an adoption seminar listening to birthmothers tell stories about their relationships with the children they placed for adoption and the families they were placed into. Our anniversary dinner was at Taco Bell. Oh well.
The next day was 4th anniversary observed and we went out to dinner at my favorite bar. Sadly, the food was not of the best quality, definitley not what it has been in the past. Then we went to the university where the theater and dance department was putting on a production of Twelfth Night my favorite of Shakespeare's comedies. It was awesome.
And really, the rest of the weekend was very low key. Saturday, which might actually have been my favorite day of the whole weekend, we didn't do anything. Literally. We stayed at home, we read, we played video games. We didn't actually leave the house until close to 11 pm when we decided we wanted a pizza. Sunday must have been "family day" we had breakfast with my family and then spent most of the rest of the night with Nathan's family. It was pretty great.
Thanks to my mom and dad for the lovely card and the cookies, they did not make it through the weekend. Thanks to Pam and Craig for the new microwave. I LOVE IT!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Reality
Our home visit with the social worker is over. And, honestly, just like all the adoption books I've been reading have predicted, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. That doesn't mean all the cleaning and preparations were unnecessary. It was just a more relaxed process than I anticipated. Our social worker arrived and came into the kitchen were we sat around the table filling out paperwork while we had muffins (that I decided to bake so that the house smelled warm and homey) and coffee.
Then we just gave her a tour around the house. It was really fairly simple. And then she left. We kind of stood there and looked at each other and said "well, what now?" There is a three part seminar series our agency is hosting that we are going to. We are 2/3 done with it and those hours count toward our 16 hours each of training. So all we have to do is finish training. Really....All we have to do is finish training. That is so weird.
It has been close to 3 years since we have started thinking seriously about adoption and now here we are. Finish our training and our profile will start being given to birthmothers. That is the strangest thought. I thought there would be more to it than this...not that I want there to be. I just thought it would be harder somehow. Of course, our homestudy hasn't been approved yet, it could still be really hard. I sincerely hope it's not.
Then we just gave her a tour around the house. It was really fairly simple. And then she left. We kind of stood there and looked at each other and said "well, what now?" There is a three part seminar series our agency is hosting that we are going to. We are 2/3 done with it and those hours count toward our 16 hours each of training. So all we have to do is finish training. Really....All we have to do is finish training. That is so weird.
It has been close to 3 years since we have started thinking seriously about adoption and now here we are. Finish our training and our profile will start being given to birthmothers. That is the strangest thought. I thought there would be more to it than this...not that I want there to be. I just thought it would be harder somehow. Of course, our homestudy hasn't been approved yet, it could still be really hard. I sincerely hope it's not.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
The "Holy Crap" List
Our social worker is coming to inspect the house on October 15. I have no idea how old this house is as a structure. It has a history as a carriage house before it was turned into a home, so it is quite old. It was also badly treated in the recent past. So, we have quite a few things to do around the house.
As you can see, the next few weeks are going to be quite hectic for us as we try to get our home ready for our home visit. By the way, if you're in the area and bored one day, please feel free to stop by and help out!
- Clean and organize our breezeway (the space is newly bereft of our old refrigerator and I hope it will make a good mudroom)
- Clean both bathrooms and wash/scrape the walls. The paint needs a good touching up.
- Clean and organize every room
- Sweep and mop all floors
- Sweep garage and basement
- Adjust temperature on water heater
- Trim the lovely vine that grows up the trellis on one side of our house
- Reattach the downspouts to the garage
- Hang and put batteries in smoke detectors/CO detector
- The cats need rabies shots and I was hoping we could get Hyperion professionally groomed (he needs it)
- We need to have our fingerprints done
- We have a few finance matters to get ironed out
- We need to get our references back from friends
- We have to purchase a fire extinguisher
- Some of the pictures we submitted for the parent profile were rejected because they were too blurry so we need to find a time and someone with a good camera and have a bunch of pictures of us retaken
As you can see, the next few weeks are going to be quite hectic for us as we try to get our home ready for our home visit. By the way, if you're in the area and bored one day, please feel free to stop by and help out!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Parent Profile
Yesterday I mailed to the adoption agency the disk with our parent profile materials on it. Getting all the information together was harder than I had initially thought. It was a lot of listing of favorites, and Nathan never claims to have a "favorite" anything. Then we had to write short essays about our lives, our home and our families while attempting to make everything sound great and keep a certain humiliy. But I think the hardest part was getting pictures. I mentioned in a earlier post that we needed at least 15 pictures of just the two of us. We have never had that many pictures of us. Finally, we just took the camera and went first to my parents and then my in-laws and asked them to take our pictures a bunch of times. It worked out okay. These are a couple of the pictures.
We actually had this one in the house, it's from a recent Thanksgiving. I don't know which year exactly. I was surprised at how many pictures we were able to come up with in the house and through friends' and families' cameras.
So, Nathan got a rake for his last birthday. I don't know whose idea it was for us to take an "American Gothic" picture, pretty sure it was Nathan's. I don't imagine they'll use this one, but we sent everything we could find.
This is one my mom took, I think it's great.
My father-in-law took this picture on the old merry-go-round next to their house. I wasn't dressed up the best, but it's such a nice picture.
So, initially we were going to send seperate pictures of the cats, because we didn't a have a picture of them together that was nice. Then a few weeks ago the cats and I were all hanging out in the bedroom and I looked over and they were sitting like this. It's perfect! I took a couple, but this is definitely the best one.
We actually had this one in the house, it's from a recent Thanksgiving. I don't know which year exactly. I was surprised at how many pictures we were able to come up with in the house and through friends' and families' cameras.
So, Nathan got a rake for his last birthday. I don't know whose idea it was for us to take an "American Gothic" picture, pretty sure it was Nathan's. I don't imagine they'll use this one, but we sent everything we could find.
My father-in-law took this picture on the old merry-go-round next to their house. I wasn't dressed up the best, but it's such a nice picture.
So, initially we were going to send seperate pictures of the cats, because we didn't a have a picture of them together that was nice. Then a few weeks ago the cats and I were all hanging out in the bedroom and I looked over and they were sitting like this. It's perfect! I took a couple, but this is definitely the best one.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Opportunity Lost
Do you ever have what seems like a really great idea? You get excited about it, you plan for it and you even make two or three false starts because you're so eager you get started before the moment is right. Then, when the right moment comes...nothing happens. There is something standing between you and your great idea.
I had this happen recently and it totally sucks. Three years ago, when Nathan and I decided we were going to pursue adoption, I went to my little bookcase where I keep my notebooks and pulled out a yellow one. It has a padded cover with a really bright design of flowers and butterflies and is really pretty. "I know what I'll do," I thought. "I'll keep a log of everything we do as we begin the process of adoption. Then when the baby is a little older, I'll give it to them. It'll be a sort of, this is how much Mommy and Daddy love and planned for you." I even wrote the two names we had picked out for the baby on the inside cover...and then crossed them out and wrote new names...Nathan and I go through names like paper towels.
Starting the process took longer than either one of us anticipated. We checked out a couple of agencies we thought would work and they didn't and then we both lost our jobs so the moment was far from right to start planning a family. When we signed the papers with Angel Adoption I came home and started digging around in my nightstand, where I thought I had left the notebook last. It wasn't there. So, I went through the little notebook bookcase. It wasn't there either. I have no idea where it is now and we've started the home study, so it seems like much too late to keep a notebook chronicle of everything we've done. I hate it when stuff like that happens.
I had this happen recently and it totally sucks. Three years ago, when Nathan and I decided we were going to pursue adoption, I went to my little bookcase where I keep my notebooks and pulled out a yellow one. It has a padded cover with a really bright design of flowers and butterflies and is really pretty. "I know what I'll do," I thought. "I'll keep a log of everything we do as we begin the process of adoption. Then when the baby is a little older, I'll give it to them. It'll be a sort of, this is how much Mommy and Daddy love and planned for you." I even wrote the two names we had picked out for the baby on the inside cover...and then crossed them out and wrote new names...Nathan and I go through names like paper towels.
Starting the process took longer than either one of us anticipated. We checked out a couple of agencies we thought would work and they didn't and then we both lost our jobs so the moment was far from right to start planning a family. When we signed the papers with Angel Adoption I came home and started digging around in my nightstand, where I thought I had left the notebook last. It wasn't there. So, I went through the little notebook bookcase. It wasn't there either. I have no idea where it is now and we've started the home study, so it seems like much too late to keep a notebook chronicle of everything we've done. I hate it when stuff like that happens.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Marketing
Not long after we signed the contract with the adoption agency we are going with, we received a couple of packets of information one from our agency and the other from the group the agency operates under, who are going to be doing the homestudy. We had to fill out in all kinds of information about our personalities and why we want to be parents and then we had to ask friends and acquaintances if they would be comfortable answering questions about us as people and as parents as our references. Thanks everyone, by the way!
But to me, right now, the hardest part is the information we have to give for the other packet we had to fill out, the parent profile. It feels kind of like an essay test. Tell us about your home, your lives, your family and your habits. And then, write the "Dear Birthmother" letter. I'm a writer by nature but this is unlike anything I've ever attempted before. We are basically selling ourselves and our lives to women and families who are making the agonizing decision of who they want to raise their children. I did my best.
Also, we had to come up with pictures. Pictures of the house, the cats, our families and us. We have to have 15+ pictures of ourselves. We personally have very few pictures of ourselves. We had to go pillaging our friends and families' cameras. Even then it wasn't enough so we asked a friend of ours to come take pictures of us at the house. We have everything but the pictures nailed down enough to send in a preliminary draft. Bring on the closeups!
But to me, right now, the hardest part is the information we have to give for the other packet we had to fill out, the parent profile. It feels kind of like an essay test. Tell us about your home, your lives, your family and your habits. And then, write the "Dear Birthmother" letter. I'm a writer by nature but this is unlike anything I've ever attempted before. We are basically selling ourselves and our lives to women and families who are making the agonizing decision of who they want to raise their children. I did my best.
Also, we had to come up with pictures. Pictures of the house, the cats, our families and us. We have to have 15+ pictures of ourselves. We personally have very few pictures of ourselves. We had to go pillaging our friends and families' cameras. Even then it wasn't enough so we asked a friend of ours to come take pictures of us at the house. We have everything but the pictures nailed down enough to send in a preliminary draft. Bring on the closeups!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)