Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My fears

Now that we are officially done getting things put together for the home study, and I have time to think about the adoption and how things are going, I'm experiencing more fear and anxiety than I thought I was going to.

The thing is, the agency we contracted with works off a 2 year time frame.  So, we have two years from this past June to find a birth mother.  We haven't had our home study approved yet, and we're already almost at 6 months.  This terrifies me.  Going in to this process we had no real idea what it was going to be like. 

We knew nothing about adoption except what we had gleaned from the little bit we read and the failed meetings we went to.  Then we found our agency and signed the contract and got started with our social worker. We didn't know that we could schedule our meetings with her a week apart if we wanted.  We didn't get right on top of the paperwork because we were expecting things to just naturally take forever.

Now here we sit, ready to start looking for a birth mother but held back by the stupidity of our own naivete.  And what happens if our 2 years runs out and no one has picked us yet?  No one has said, yes, I want them to take care of my child.  We could keep working with them on  a month-to-month basis or  we could go it alone.  That comes with its own set of fears. Gah!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Wife Things

Nathan and I both kind of wish we could afford for me to stay home.  But we can't and we don't often dwell on it.  And really, I enjoy my job.  Of course there are days when things don't quite go my way and I get home and just feel exhausted.  And it's stressful, extremely stressful on occasion.

That's why when it comes to my weekends, I usually like to watch movies or work on knitting projects or read or just generally relax.  Needless to say, this doesn't do a whole lot to contribute to household duties, or "wife things."  Don't worry, that's my phrase for them, Nathan would never seriously call house chores "wife things." 

But yesterday, I took the menus and list I had created the night before and went grocery shopping.  And for me, never having approached shopping this way, I did pretty well.  I only bought 2 non-list items and only a couple name-brand things.  So, after groceries were bought, I came home and saw all the dishes waiting for Nathan's attention.  For about five weeks, Nathan was working 7 day weeks and then he was working hard on getting all the leaves raked up.  He's pretty great.  So, I rolled up my sleeves and did the dishes myself. 

While that was going on, I was also working on laundry.  I had a load of whites out on the line (in mid-November, I know, it's crazy.)  I also put a load of our work clothes in the washer and hung them up in the basement when they were done. 

And when all that was done, I made dinner. To be perfectly honest, all this happened because I wanted it to.  I really enjoyed everything I did as I was working on it.  It made me happy to relieve Nathan of the pressure of dirty dishes and having to go shopping. 

I guess I'm not so bad at these wife things.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Wait

Two days ago, I scanned and e-mailed some paperwork to our social worker.  And now it looks like we're done with the home study.

That's a very strange place to be.  We are finished pulling everything together for the home study and it just needs to get approved.  I don't know how long that is going to take.  That has been a frequent refrain during this process.  I call the social worker with questions, always prefacing everything with letting her know the reason I'm asking is because we've never done this before. 

But for the active part of the process, we are finished.  All we do now is wait.  We wait for the home study to be approved.  Then we wait for a birthmother to take a look at our profile and decide she would like to work with us.  By nature I'm an impatient person, so, this might turn out to be not my favorite part.

But at the same time, this is also the time we have to prepare.  I finally feel like we can start getting things together to prepare for having a baby.  We can paint the nursery, we can start gathering little gender neutral outfits and hats. 

People have told me that the active part of the adoption process is like the time in which a couple is trying to get pregnant. I think, then, the waiting period must be like the early days of the pregnancy, kind of like the first trimester.  We're excited and hopeful and just starting to make preparations.