Now that we are officially done getting things put together for the home study, and I have time to think about the adoption and how things are going, I'm experiencing more fear and anxiety than I thought I was going to.
The thing is, the agency we contracted with works off a 2 year time frame. So, we have two years from this past June to find a birth mother. We haven't had our home study approved yet, and we're already almost at 6 months. This terrifies me. Going in to this process we had no real idea what it was going to be like.
We knew nothing about adoption except what we had gleaned from the little bit we read and the failed meetings we went to. Then we found our agency and signed the contract and got started with our social worker. We didn't know that we could schedule our meetings with her a week apart if we wanted. We didn't get right on top of the paperwork because we were expecting things to just naturally take forever.
Now here we sit, ready to start looking for a birth mother but held back by the stupidity of our own naivete. And what happens if our 2 years runs out and no one has picked us yet? No one has said, yes, I want them to take care of my child. We could keep working with them on a month-to-month basis or we could go it alone. That comes with its own set of fears. Gah!