Updates

Most of this is WAY over due...sorry about that.

The most important thing is that we now have a nephew.  On March 15, Alicia, my sister-in-law went into labor and, a few hours later, had a baby boy, Brian Patrick Eaton.  Their family lives in Virginia, so unfortunately I have not been able to see my nephew yet in person.  But Nate has posted several pictures on Facebook and, honestly, the little guy is adorable!  My parents (Brian's Grandpa and Nonna Eaton) are in Virginia right now enjoying their new role as grandparents.  Early next month I am going to New Jersey to stay with Anne and we will make the trip down to visit Nate and his family, very much looking forward to that!

In all honesty, my cardiologist appointment did not go as badly as I feared it would.  It turns out, in the last ten years, an entirely new specialty has developed called "Adults with Congenital Heart Defects."  There are doctors these days who make this a field of study and practice.  I find this hilarious since 10 years is almost exactly how long I have been in need of a doctor like this.  I guess I'm never going to stop being at the cutting edge of cardiac medicine.  So the doctor we went to see last month will be like my medical supervisor and she will send me to the specialists I need to go to.  I don't know how I feel about having more than one cardiologist, but I guess it's better than going to the wrong doctors!

Our social worker is coming for her biannual house visit.  This is more depressing than it should be, I think.  I would like to believe we are closer to having a child, but as far as I know nothing new has happened.

Newsings and Musings

I haven't been feeling quite myself lately, so I figured my cardiologist appointment on Monday was not going to go well. The problem is, it went badly in a completely different direction than I was expecting.

The last time I was at the doctor, about 18 months ago, he said my right atrium, which was connected directly to my lungs when I was seven has become distended, after 17 years, I wasn't surprised. He said I would have to have another surgery to correct that, but we decided to let it go for a little while.

At this appointment, he didn't even mention that problem. What came up this time is my malfunctioning left ventricle. Apparently, all the walls of my left ventricle, which is my only ventricle, are not pumping at the same time. This is a problem. I have to have a series of blood tests checking the levels of a hormone which indicates heart failure. He mentioned if the level is high enough, we might have to look into getting a pacemaker. This totally threw us all for a loop. We had never talked about a pacemaker before. We had talked about more surgery, transplants, and whatnot, but never a pacemaker.

In other news: Nathan does not make the holidays very easy. He almost never comes up with anything he wants. So, I have to scavenge for ideas and then when he actually gives me real ideas, I give them right to my mom or his mom because I always get caught in between, "What does he want?" "Well you live with him, what does he want?" People seem to think living with someone means they tell you things...

Elizabeth is coming for a visit. She feels bad for not getting to know the cats very well, so she's coming to see us. We're going to see a movie and out for dinner, to make cookies, and probably some shopping as well.

I have most of my Christmas shopping done and wrapped and under the tree. Ironically the only thing I have left to buy is Nathan's stocking stuffer. That's right...

My Least Favorite Jump

I'm good at hiding things. Not physical things, there never seem to be enough places for them, but ideas and realities. I'm very good at putting them in a box at the back of my mind and saying, "That's not important, you don't have to deal with that, just move on."

Funny thing is, most things so labeled and religated to the back of my mind actually are quite important. They are the frightening, unpleasant, or otherwise unsavory realities of life. (You have no idea how many times I've gotten up and walked away while writing this). But more and more lately I've felt compelled to the idea that the worst of these tucked away realities may someday be of use to someone.

(I've been trying to come up with a clever way to lead into this, but there doesn't seem to be one so I'm just going to dive in, please forgive the lack of segue).

I was born with a cardiac disorder known as pulmonary atresia with tricuspid stenosis and a hypoplastic right ventricle. The doctors say that means my tricuspid valve does not function properly and my right ventricle is too small. There is no rhyme or reason for these things, they just are the way they are.

But I'll tell you what it really means. It means by the time I was seven I had an abdomen full of scars and had spent more time in the hospital than most of my friends put together. It means my brother and sisters have a whole litany of stories that begin with "Do you remember that time we were at Grandpa and Grandma's and...oh, you weren't there." (I don't begrudge them this, I just think it's funny.) It means from grade school into about college I wore shirts with turtle or crew necks to hide my scars. It means even though I'm trying to live as a good God-fearing Catholic, I have been advised not to use Natural Family Planning. It means I will always have to go to a pediatric cardiologist. It means more things than I can write here.

When I was younger I pretended this wasn't real. I didn't think about it, I didn't talk about it, I didn't even like it when other people talked about it while I wasn't around. But the older I get the more I realize that a) For my own health and safety I need to understand what happened and what has been done, b) I realize I am not alone in fighting congential cardiac defects and c) because I am not alone, there may be people and parents out there who don't know what they have gotten into and need a little sympathy and to know that this kind of thing can be lived with.

So to all of you, if you ever read my blog, I want you to know when I was born, the doctors told my parents I wouldn't make it to two and a half months, and next month I will be 24 and a half. I haven't had serious, open heart surgery since I was seven. I've had many good doctors, most of whom understand the trials of being an adult with a "child's condition." While I was in college I spent four months living by myself in London (it was fabulous). I have a career, I'm happily married to one of the greatest, most understanding men of all time. While I shouldn't have kids of my own I do look forward to being a mom through adoption.

Don't despair, it is possible to live a full and happy life with most congenital heart defects.

P.S. You have no idea how hard it was for me to post this. I've gotten up and walked away more times than I can count, put up my hair and put in my contacts, called both my parents, and put it "Much Ado About Nothing" so I could take comfort from one of my favorite voices :)