So, here it is

Early last month, Nathan and I got an e-mail from our adoption agency saying there is a birthmother in another state that was due to give birth in mid-November and gave us a basic run down of her situation.  We considered it and talked to my mother and sent them an e-mail back saying we would like our profile presented to her.  Usually, they just show our profile, but this time her situation didn't match our parameters perfectly, so they wanted to make sure before they showed her our info.

Then, two Mondays ago (the 29th) I woke up at 12:30 to a phone call saying she chose us and she was basically due any second.  I was over the moon.  I called Nathan and he was over the moon.  Our parents and siblings all celebrated with us.  I had another 4 hours to sleep, but of course that wasn't about to happen now. So I decorated for Christmas and ran over lists in my head of everything we would need.

We both let our bosses know we would probably be gone for a while and, because you can't keep secrets where I work, everyone knew by the time I got there that night.  It was a fantastic day.

Mom and I went shopping and picked up some little things we didn't have that we would need.

I bought some Dreft and did my first ever load of baby laundry.

I washed my first ever group of bottles.

We packed the diaper bag.

Then, we waited for the call.  And we waited.  Days passed and we waited.  Finally, this past Monday, I called the adoption agency to see if there was any news.  They advised me that she most likely had the baby already and decided to keep it and not say anything to anyone.

We were heartbroken.  But at the same time, I knew that if it wasn't meant to be then it was better he stayed with his mother.  Even though it didn't work out, it still gave us reason to hope.  We've been contracted with our agency since June 2010 and this is the first time we know of that someone has been serious about us.  It is uplifting, even though it fell through.

And if you're one of the many people we didn't tell when we heard she picked us: this is why.  Our parents wanted very badly to tell everyone but we asked them to hold off, in case this happened.  I couldn't bear to think of having to tell everyone it didn't work out.

So, yeah, it sucks and yeah, yesterday when I was addressing Christmas cards and watching Santa Claus is Coming to town I started crying randomly.  But we keep praying and hopefully, we'll have a baby soon.