This is the biggest parenting dilemma I have come across so far.
If you know Nathan and I, you probably know we don't watch television. We have a TV and it is hooked up to the power so we can watch movies, but not to any source of TV programing. The only things I really watch are Dr. Who on Netflix and The Big Bang Theory occasionally on CBS.com or the DVD seasons we have and Pushing Daisies on DVD. Nathan watches even less than I do.
And since we've brought Elijah home, I get really uncomfortable any time he is around any screens. Occasionally, we watch vintage clips of Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers on You Tube. But even children's shows make me uncomfortable. And this really isn't just television, this is any screen. I get antsy when he looks at the computer, too. But, usually when I check my e-mail in the morning, he's sitting on my lap.
I don't even know why it bothers me so much. We watched TV growing up and so did Nathan and his sister. But for some reason, any time Elijah is in the room and there is a screen on, I have to fight the urge to pick him up and go elsewhere.
The only exception was last week, there was a day when it was so hot, Elijah did not want to be held or cuddled and I was getting tired of being screamed at. So I put him in his bouncy chair and pointed it at the TV and we watched Disney's Robin Hood, the one with the foxes. I tried watching a movie we ordered from Netflix while we were playing on the floor, but every time he looked at the screen, I felt a surge of panic and ended up turning it off after about ten minutes.
Instead we listen to a lot of music around here, and we read a lot of books. We go for long walks, and play on the floor.
I realize this complete avoidance of television is probably not good for him, either. I just haven't been able to make myself okay with exposing him to it yet.
**Please understand I am not trying to pass judgement on anyone whose children watch TV. I'm just trying to figure out how things will work for us.**
Monday, May 14, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
A Few Things
Things that are hard:
Keeping up with this blog while working third shift and taking care of my son. Can you tell? I've been back to work since my last post and in all that time I haven't found a moment when I had the time and energy to update. We've just come through the two most trying weeks of life since we brought Elijah home. And my least favorite part about them has been:
When other people have to step in to help take care of Elijah. We are really lucky to live close to both my parents and Nathan's parents. We are also lucky that they are all crazy about our little guy and don't mind watching him for us. That said, I hate it when I have to ask them to. If being back at work has done anything it has made me more aware of time. I only have so much time at home with him now, and I want it all. So what if I've only slept 2 hours in the last 24? I want my baby, damn it.
Taking care of the house. Not in general, mind. Just while I was on thirds. I would get home from work, feed the baby and take a nap with him. After that, the days are kind of a blur of playing with him and wishing Nathan would get home. Then, when Nathan got him, I dragged myself up to bed to sleep until I had to wake up for work. House chores kind of fell away. I washed bottles only when we didn't have any clean and the laundry definitely piled up untended.
Admitting how happy I am to be on seconds. I love third shift...love it. I love the hours, the work, the people. Everything about third shift is great. Or was. But now, I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to be working from 3 to 11. I get to sleep like a normal person, and wake up at a normal hour. I get to play with my son and not have a haze of exhaustion keeping me from enjoying myself. I am so happy to be on seconds.
Things that are great:
Elijah's progress. We went out for a birthday dinner tonight and as we sat at the table, me holding Elijah, my plate started sliding towards me. I looked down and his tiny hand was clamped around the edge. He has started rolling over and can sit relatively straight for periods of time, while he's supported. He laughs--my favorite sound ever. He has started vocalizing a lot more and we think he might be starting to get a tooth. And he sleeps through the night for the most part. He's just great.
Nathan. I have Nathan. How lucky am I?
Getting books for my birthday. All Our Worldly Goods by Irene Nemirovsky and Your Personal Penguin by Sandra Boynton. Yes, that last one was for Elijah, but I don't care. I love it.
Doctor Who. Nathan used to tell me I should watch Doctor Who. He said I'd love it, but I ignored him, because it seemed like such a strange show. But he was right. I started watching it when Elijah was about a month old and we were still spending quite a bit of time in the sun room. I love it. More than I've loved any show for quite a while, I love it. And in case you have any Doctor Who background and you're curious: 9 is by far my favorite, but I also love 11.
English folk music: Kate Rusby, June Tabor, Seth Lakeman, Eddi Reader, Smithfield Fair, all great. Can't get enough of them.
Keeping up with this blog while working third shift and taking care of my son. Can you tell? I've been back to work since my last post and in all that time I haven't found a moment when I had the time and energy to update. We've just come through the two most trying weeks of life since we brought Elijah home. And my least favorite part about them has been:
When other people have to step in to help take care of Elijah. We are really lucky to live close to both my parents and Nathan's parents. We are also lucky that they are all crazy about our little guy and don't mind watching him for us. That said, I hate it when I have to ask them to. If being back at work has done anything it has made me more aware of time. I only have so much time at home with him now, and I want it all. So what if I've only slept 2 hours in the last 24? I want my baby, damn it.
Taking care of the house. Not in general, mind. Just while I was on thirds. I would get home from work, feed the baby and take a nap with him. After that, the days are kind of a blur of playing with him and wishing Nathan would get home. Then, when Nathan got him, I dragged myself up to bed to sleep until I had to wake up for work. House chores kind of fell away. I washed bottles only when we didn't have any clean and the laundry definitely piled up untended.
Admitting how happy I am to be on seconds. I love third shift...love it. I love the hours, the work, the people. Everything about third shift is great. Or was. But now, I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to be working from 3 to 11. I get to sleep like a normal person, and wake up at a normal hour. I get to play with my son and not have a haze of exhaustion keeping me from enjoying myself. I am so happy to be on seconds.
Things that are great:
Elijah's progress. We went out for a birthday dinner tonight and as we sat at the table, me holding Elijah, my plate started sliding towards me. I looked down and his tiny hand was clamped around the edge. He has started rolling over and can sit relatively straight for periods of time, while he's supported. He laughs--my favorite sound ever. He has started vocalizing a lot more and we think he might be starting to get a tooth. And he sleeps through the night for the most part. He's just great.
Nathan. I have Nathan. How lucky am I?
Getting books for my birthday. All Our Worldly Goods by Irene Nemirovsky and Your Personal Penguin by Sandra Boynton. Yes, that last one was for Elijah, but I don't care. I love it.
Doctor Who. Nathan used to tell me I should watch Doctor Who. He said I'd love it, but I ignored him, because it seemed like such a strange show. But he was right. I started watching it when Elijah was about a month old and we were still spending quite a bit of time in the sun room. I love it. More than I've loved any show for quite a while, I love it. And in case you have any Doctor Who background and you're curious: 9 is by far my favorite, but I also love 11.
English folk music: Kate Rusby, June Tabor, Seth Lakeman, Eddi Reader, Smithfield Fair, all great. Can't get enough of them.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
St. Gianna
Technically, I have been a "working mother" ever since we were called to Birthmother's home state the day Elijah was born. But I have been blessed to have 12 weeks to dedicate solely to taking care of, getting to know, and loving my child. I was free of the cares that come with being a real working mother.
But all that ends tonight. My 12 weeks are over and I really begin my new life as a working mom. At 10 o'clock tonight, I will have to kiss my son goodbye and go earn money to help support our family. I've been told the first month or so of being back at work is particularly gut-wrenching.
But there is also a lot to be grateful and joyful for as well. I am blessed to have a family to help support. I am blessed to have a job at which I can earn money to do so.
I think it's truer to my nature. I have loved every day of these last 12 weeks, but I've also been bored, and lonely, and tired of being in the same place all the time. I think deep down, some part of me acknowledges that I couldn't be a stay-at-home mom. I have a great deal of respect for women who are called to that kind of life, but I do not believe I am one of them.
For the next two weeks, I will be gone while my son sleeps. Then I will spend my days praying for him to take nice long naps, so that I can too. After that we change shifts and I switch to working 3 to 11 pm, which I think will be better in the long run. The more I think about it, the more I realize I may have to give up my beloved third shifts and take only seconds and firsts (when they are available), at least until Elijah is in school.
So pray for us this week, please. Pray that Elijah will sleep well for Nathan at nights and then take nice naps for me during the days. Please pray that I don't take being back at work and away from my son too badly.
St. Gianna, patron saint of working mothers, please pray for us.
St. Joseph, pray for us.
But all that ends tonight. My 12 weeks are over and I really begin my new life as a working mom. At 10 o'clock tonight, I will have to kiss my son goodbye and go earn money to help support our family. I've been told the first month or so of being back at work is particularly gut-wrenching.
But there is also a lot to be grateful and joyful for as well. I am blessed to have a family to help support. I am blessed to have a job at which I can earn money to do so.
I think it's truer to my nature. I have loved every day of these last 12 weeks, but I've also been bored, and lonely, and tired of being in the same place all the time. I think deep down, some part of me acknowledges that I couldn't be a stay-at-home mom. I have a great deal of respect for women who are called to that kind of life, but I do not believe I am one of them.
For the next two weeks, I will be gone while my son sleeps. Then I will spend my days praying for him to take nice long naps, so that I can too. After that we change shifts and I switch to working 3 to 11 pm, which I think will be better in the long run. The more I think about it, the more I realize I may have to give up my beloved third shifts and take only seconds and firsts (when they are available), at least until Elijah is in school.
So pray for us this week, please. Pray that Elijah will sleep well for Nathan at nights and then take nice naps for me during the days. Please pray that I don't take being back at work and away from my son too badly.
St. Gianna, patron saint of working mothers, please pray for us.
St. Joseph, pray for us.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Panic!
Elijah has recently moved out of our room and into the nursery, which is all of like six steps across the hall from our room. His bedtime is around 8 pm. We have a specialized routine: last bottle, diaper change, pajamas, book, cuddles, and bed. He wakes up for bottles at 4:30 or 5 and then again at 6:30 or 7.
Last night, we went through our little bed time dance. Mommy read the book while Daddy snuggled the baby and then set him in the crib. We turned off the light, left the room and went to have dinner. We checked on him before we went to bed and then it was lights out.
The next time I looked at the clock was when Nathan's alarm went off at 6:45 this morning. I realized right after I opened my eyes that I hadn't gotten up that night. I looked at Nathan and said "Did you wake up with him?"
"No." I jumped out of bed and ran the six steps to the door. Peeking inside, I saw Little Man, stretching in his sleep.
He had wiggled out of his swaddler a little bit and moved toward the end of the crib, which made me afraid we had missed his crying. There was a thunderstorm last night and the windows in our room rattle horribly in the wind; it could have happened.
Nathan assured me we didn't and I tried to go back to sleep. 15 minutes later an insistent little whine came over the baby monitor.
"There's no way we would have missed that," I said, and went to get our little sleeper out of his crib.
Last night, we went through our little bed time dance. Mommy read the book while Daddy snuggled the baby and then set him in the crib. We turned off the light, left the room and went to have dinner. We checked on him before we went to bed and then it was lights out.
The next time I looked at the clock was when Nathan's alarm went off at 6:45 this morning. I realized right after I opened my eyes that I hadn't gotten up that night. I looked at Nathan and said "Did you wake up with him?"
"No." I jumped out of bed and ran the six steps to the door. Peeking inside, I saw Little Man, stretching in his sleep.
He had wiggled out of his swaddler a little bit and moved toward the end of the crib, which made me afraid we had missed his crying. There was a thunderstorm last night and the windows in our room rattle horribly in the wind; it could have happened.
Nathan assured me we didn't and I tried to go back to sleep. 15 minutes later an insistent little whine came over the baby monitor.
"There's no way we would have missed that," I said, and went to get our little sleeper out of his crib.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Phase "Not-the-Mama"
My brother once said that babies have two parents: the Mama and Not-the-Mama. He observed this after my sister-in-law went back to work and Nate (my brother) spent weekends home alone with their infant son. For upwards of 12 hours a day, the child my brother nicknamed "Mr. Screamy" screamed at him for no reason other than that he was Not-the-Mama. Eventually, Mr. Screamy grew out of this stage.
Elijah has recently discovered that Nathan is Not-the-Mama. I spend all day everyday cuddling, talking to, singing to, and playing with Elijah. When Nathan comes home, I pass the baby off for bonding with his father, leave the room to work on dinner and within minutes, the screaming commences. Thankfully it doesn't last 12 hours. Nathan is getting pretty good at calming him down by singing, bouncing and walking. And I'm glad it's happening now, when I'm still at home, instead of in a few weeks, when I'll be at work.
But it still breaks my heart. Nathan is already such a great dad. Every phone conversation we have while he is at work begins with "How's the little man?" When he gets home, first thing he checks on Elijah. I can't wait until this phase passes.
Yes, that is Elmo's voice.
Elijah has recently discovered that Nathan is Not-the-Mama. I spend all day everyday cuddling, talking to, singing to, and playing with Elijah. When Nathan comes home, I pass the baby off for bonding with his father, leave the room to work on dinner and within minutes, the screaming commences. Thankfully it doesn't last 12 hours. Nathan is getting pretty good at calming him down by singing, bouncing and walking. And I'm glad it's happening now, when I'm still at home, instead of in a few weeks, when I'll be at work.
But it still breaks my heart. Nathan is already such a great dad. Every phone conversation we have while he is at work begins with "How's the little man?" When he gets home, first thing he checks on Elijah. I can't wait until this phase passes.
Yes, that is Elmo's voice.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
My Poor Boys
Despite my best efforts, Elijah came down with some form of the same virus Nathan has. I took Little Man to the doctor last Monday and was told he has bronchiolitis. I returned the next day because he sounded a little worse, only to be told he was actually better. We've been coping by keeping him upright as much as possible--have the pack-and-play propped up on books--and humidified. We made a trip with my dad to walk-in care yesterday because it's been almost a week and he sounds the same.
The doctor there said that's just the way bronchiolitis is. It hangs around for 7-10 days and the baby sounds a lot worse than he feels. They did a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia, and it was slightly traumatic. I had to hold him down while they took the images. Poor little thing screamed so loudly Grandpa, who was sitting out in the waiting room, could hear him.
Elijah's been coughing and wheezing for a while, but he slept 7 hours last night and actually does sound better today.
As for Nathan, he's been sick since the 8th and is still taking Musinex and Sudafed to get through his days. I was sick when we were in the other state to pick Elijah up 7 weeks ago (seriously, 7 weeks?!), so I'm hoping that is protecting me now against whatever this is.
The doctor there said that's just the way bronchiolitis is. It hangs around for 7-10 days and the baby sounds a lot worse than he feels. They did a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia, and it was slightly traumatic. I had to hold him down while they took the images. Poor little thing screamed so loudly Grandpa, who was sitting out in the waiting room, could hear him.
Elijah's been coughing and wheezing for a while, but he slept 7 hours last night and actually does sound better today.
As for Nathan, he's been sick since the 8th and is still taking Musinex and Sudafed to get through his days. I was sick when we were in the other state to pick Elijah up 7 weeks ago (seriously, 7 weeks?!), so I'm hoping that is protecting me now against whatever this is.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
7 Quick Takes (vol. 4)
Yes, I'm late with this. Today will be my baby faces edition. All week I have been taking pictures of faces Elijah makes.
-one-
He has started smiling, too, but only occasionally. I haven't gotten a picture of it yet.
-two-
Pam calls this his "Cheerio mouth" and it cracks her up.
-three-
I'm pretty sure we can all figure out what he's doing here.
-four-
Poor sleepy baby!
-five-
Tummy time is no longer completely hated. He's started napping during it.
-six-
I think he was talking here.
-seven-
In other news, Nathan has contracted, what I can only assume is a mild form of plague. He has been aching and coughing for three days. And yesterday he celebrated his 31st birthday by staying home and lying on the couch all day. Elijah and I have been coping by not spending too much time around him and getting out of the house at least once a day to give him time to sleep without being woken up.
For more 7 Quick Takes visit Conversion Diary!
For more 7 Quick Takes visit Conversion Diary!
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