St. Gianna

Technically, I have been a "working mother" ever since we were called to Birthmother's home state the day Elijah was born.  But I have been blessed to have 12 weeks to dedicate solely to taking care of, getting to know, and loving my child.  I was free of the cares that come with being a real working mother.

But all that ends tonight.  My 12 weeks are over and I really begin my new life as a working mom.  At 10 o'clock tonight, I will have to kiss my son goodbye and go earn money to help support our family.  I've been told the first month or so of being back at work is particularly gut-wrenching.

But there is also a lot to be grateful and joyful for as well.  I am blessed to have a  family to help support.  I am blessed to have a job at which I can earn money to do so.

I think it's truer to my nature.  I have loved every day of these last 12 weeks, but I've also been bored, and lonely, and tired of being in the same place all the time.  I think deep down, some part of me acknowledges that I couldn't be a stay-at-home mom.  I have a great deal of respect for women who are called to that kind of life, but I do not believe I am one of them.

For the next two weeks, I will be gone while my son sleeps.  Then I will spend my days praying for him to take nice long naps, so that I can too.  After that we change shifts and I switch to working 3 to 11 pm, which I think will be better in the long run.  The more I think about it, the more I realize I may have to give up my beloved third shifts and take only seconds and firsts (when they are available), at least until Elijah is in school. 

So pray for us this week, please.  Pray that Elijah will sleep well for Nathan at nights and then take nice naps for me during the days.  Please pray that I don't take being back at work and away from my son too badly.

St. Gianna, patron saint of working mothers, please pray for us.

St. Joseph, pray for us.

1,000 Little things

Lately, every time I think to myself, I should write a post about that, I realize it would only last a paragraph or two.  There just isn't that much going on around here:

I've been on vacation since the 18th and go back Saturday.  It has been very nice.  Mostly, I've stayed home and relaxed.

Nathan and I celebrated our 5th anniversary on the 21st with a dinner at JMK Nippon in Rockford, the restaurant we went to for our first "official" date and also where we went the night we got engaged.

On the 22nd, my cousin got married and we all got to spend time with the family, one of my favorite things.

Because of some strange symptoms and goings on with my health, I am now wearing a 4-week event monitor, which I began on Monday.  I have to say, I'm not a fan.  Hopefully, this will tell the doctors what they want to know.

For Christmas last year, Elizabeth gave me fall colored yarn and I just finished knitting it into a blanket.  The blanket itself isn't very big, but it's more decorative than anything.

Fall is a very busy time for Nathan.  He pitched in again this year at the apple orchard close to home.  He does this every year because the people who own it are friends of his parents.  Now that that's over it will be time to help out with harvest soon.

We just had one of our biannual visits with our social worker.  It seemed to go well and she was very encouraging.

That's about all we've got going on here.

Night owl

I've been on third shift for about a month now and the answer for anyone who is curious is: yes, I do love it as much as I thought I would.

I don't mind going to bed first thing when I get home and sleeping until just before or just after Nathan gets home.  I like having the whole night to spend time with him.  The only problem with sleeping during the day has been the cats, they usually want attention when I'm trying to sleep.

The strangest thing about it all is my weekends.  I have tried to maintain mostly the same schedule every day, even my days off, going to bed between 4:30 and 6.  So, after Nathan goes to bed those days usually around 1 am, I have several hours to myself before I'm ready to turn in.

It's interesting to find things for myself to do that won't disturb him.  I've tried to fill that time with purpose, using it to write and that usually works pretty well (but not tonight).  I watch movies Nathan doesn't like to watch with me (think: the new Jane Eyre or any Jane Eyre.)  Sometimes I even play video games.

I don't know why it feels so odd to have time to myself in the middle of the night, especially since I've always been a night person, but I'm slowly getting used to it.

What's new...

...practically nothing, which is why I haven't updated the blog in so long.

I still haven't found a job yet, but I'm about to widen my search to encompass the Eastern Seaboard, since there seem to be many more reporting jobs out that way.

I recently took a skills test for positions at Northern Illinois University and didn't do nearly as well as I was hoping, but I have another test soon and will probably end up retaking the first one in a few weeks.

I received a rejection e-mail from an agent who was looking at my book and said she had been intrigued so far. I guess it turns out, not so much.

Saturday I went to a really fun birthday party, which consisted of sitting around at Barnes and Noble, flipping through magazines, eating and chatting with friends. It was great. When I got home, I broke my toe.

But I've also learned how to cable knit, and I'm making my way through the entire John Wayne film collection at a fairly good clip these days, which is probably a bad sign.

I have a doctor's appointment to get a physical so I can substitute teach tomorrow, so hopefully that goes well.

Bittersweet

Last Friday, the day before my 25th birthday, I lost my job. It was the first time that has ever happened to me and at first, quite rightly, I believe, I panicked. Nathan's job doesn't make nearly enough for us to live on and I know how hard job hunting can be, I've already done it twice since we've been married.

However, upon reflection, I actually feel okay. The work I was doing, public relations, wasn't my favorite. It came with a nice paycheck, and it wasn't bad work, it just didn't inspire me. The more I thought about what happened, the more I saw an opportunity. This could be my chance to return to my first love, print journalism.

That being said, the newspaper industry in this country is in terrible shape, and I think I will have a hard time trying to find a job in it near home. But I try to stay hopeful and in the meantime I do housework and apply for other things. I'm even going to turn in an application in July to be a substitute teacher.

But, I pushed and persuaded and goaded and I finally coerced permission from Nathan to do something I've been wanting to do forever. He said I could start applying for jobs on a small island off the west coast of Europe. It seems like too much to hope for that someone will want me over there and then Nathan will say we can go...but I hope nonetheless.

Looking for the levity

It wasn't long after Nathan lost his job that we were able to at least see what the lighter side of the situation might be. We get to move home, like we wanted and Nathan doesn't have to commute. Thought we'll be trying to make it on like one and a half incomes for a little while, it's not like we haven't been in that situation before. It took me four months after we got married to find a job, and things worked out all right.

The truth is that this just proves to me life really is a wheel. A few months ago things were going very well for us, we were both working and at least relatively happy, we were saving money and getting ready to start the adoption process.

But, Nathan has a job interview later this month at Northern, which is where we want him to work, anyway, so everyone say a little prayer that he gets it.

The moving process has been interesting. I've never been in charge of moving a whole household before. We've already got a few boxes at the house with more and furniture to follow this weekend. Mostly our living room is filled with boxes in various states of readiness.

My Lenten mind set

I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post. Things have gotten a bit tricky lately.

Since my job is anywhere from forty minutes to an hour and fifteen minutes from where we live in the South Suburbs, Nathan and I were planning on moving when our lease is up, which is at the end of next month. We looked at apartments in suburbs between here and work but everything seemed way too much money for not too much apartment.

Then, Nathan's dad, Craig, offered to let us rent the house we were going to buy earlier. The rent would have been much cheaper than anything we could have found in the suburbs. As we started to plan and get ready for that, Nathan came home from work last Wednesday and told me he'd lost his job.

His company's profits have been falling and Nathan already survived a round of layoffs in December. Being in HR he knew this round was coming, but he was let go a day before everyone else.

I panicked at first, but when we calmed down and looked at things more objectively, the situation isn't as bad as it could be.

We did the whole living on one income thing when it took me four months at the beginning of our marriage to find a job. I make more now than Nathan did then and while we both worked, we were able to put some money in the bank. As long as Nathan gets a job before too long, we should be okay.

I don't know what's going to happen with the house. I'd like to think we can still live there, but we'll have to see.

And to be honest, this all comes at just about the prefect time. We were trying to move back home anyway and home is closer to my job than here, so it works out.

Still, last Thursday I reflected on the situation and found it to be just the right mind set to go into Lent with. I'm scared but hopeful.