You are Dust

A few months ago, I happened to think about Lent and I felt a happy rise in my heart.  I noted it, because Lent is usually my least favorite liturgical season.  Every year, I dread the coming of Ash Wednesday and the dark weeks ahead full of self-evaluation and meatless Fridays.  But this year felt different.  This year I was looking forward to the opportunity to work on my flaws and faults.  I didn't know yet what my Lenten resolutions were going to be, but I was eagerly anticipating them.

Then, life changed.  And to be honest, I haven't really spared much thought for Lent or resolutions since.  But at the eleventh hour last night, I resolved to try harder to say my Rosary daily.  I also resolved to more happily embrace my so-far-least favorite part of parenting, when Elijah wakes up at 8:30 ready to go for the day.  I know, that's not so early for most people, but it is a struggle for me to respond to my son joyfully.

I also thought about resolving to eat more healthily.  But that is such a nebulous proposition that it seems silly to make it.  So for now, let's say I'll work harder on portion control and trying to force a few vegetables in a week.

This morning, after I gave Elijah his morning bottle, I got dressed, loaded him into the car and we drove two towns over to where we go to church.  As we were driving, I thought to myself, here we are, in Lent again.  And it was back, that happy joyful feeling.  Welcome to Lent.

It's kind of worn off since 9 am, but Elijah got his first cross of ashes today.  And yeah, we leave them on all day.

Resolutions

I didn't really notice when it happened.  Sometime in the last couple years my perspective on Lent changed.  Suddenly I wasn't thinking in terms of "What am I going to give up for Lent."  My new mantra was "What am I going to do for Lent."  It's probably because I got tired of nominally giving up pop and then not really having much success with it.

But I think this it also has something to do with growing up.  The thought of giving something up for Lent is just right for children, I think, because it gets the idea across that Lent is a time of self-denial.  I'm not sure the little ones understand that it's also a time of self-revision.

Lent is the perfect time to think about ourselves objectively and work on those imperfections we find.  The older I get the more I think about the Lenten season as a time for self-reflection and revision.  There is the thought of "What do I need to do to become more Christ-like in my life?"

Therefore, my Lenten resolutions this year are:

• work on giving up the casual swearing, which has gotten much worse since I started working as a dispatcher. 
• become less judgmental of people in general
• try to eliminate some of the parts of my sense of humor which are particularly mean
• stop gossiping

Lent

Every year I make Lenten resolutions and begin the season with the best of intentions.  And every year, not long into our 40 days, I start forgetting things.  It seems the first thing I always forget is that I'm not supposed to eat meat on Fridays and a slice of pepperoni pizza or a ham sandwich slips its way into my lunch or meal time out of habit. 

Then my resolutions start to fall by the wayside, not because I didn't mean them when I made them, just because I can be inattentive sometimes.

But this year, I'm trying harder, this year so far I remembered just in time that I couldn't bring a leftover ham sandwich to work today and I'm doing my best to keep my resolutions at the front of my mind.  I hope to do better.

Do over...please?

I have failed at Lent this year...catastrophically.

Every Friday but two so far I have forgotten it was Lent and enjoyed something along the lines of a ham sandwich or pepperoni pizza.

As far as my Lenten resolutions go, to work harder on the book I'm finishing and the book I just started, moving and packing sort of took over.

I always planned to sit down and work on the book, but then I got home and stuff needed to be packed or unpacked or cleaned.

So, I respectfully request we all go back to Ash Wednesday and start all over. Maybe I should call Rome.