The Bluest Blue

A couple weeks ago, my husband declared my car, a 2000 Ford Taurus that used to belong to my grandparents, unfit to drive.  Apparently the head gasket has problems (I have no idea what this means); and I'm sure the transmission is about 20 miles from saying "No, not any more!"

So, I started driving Nathan's car, which is manual and I hate it, and occasionally, my parent's car while we looked for a replacement for me.

What I really wanted was a brand new Ford Fiesta.  But adoption turned out to be so expensive and we are contemplating it again, (not any time soon, don't get excited.)  So we looked around at used cars.  We checked out a 2006 Ford Focus hatchback, which I liked; a 2008 Dodge Caliber, and a 2004 Toyota Corolla, which Nathan liked.

My hatred of driving is so strong, that I refused to be the one going to the test drives.  I was fairly certain that as soon as I got behind the wheel of something I don't own, there was going to be an accident.  So Nathan went.  The first place he went was to the Corolla.  It was also the last place he went.  Three days later, he bought it.

At first, I was less than pleased.  It is an 04 after all and with 81,000 miles, was more used than I was hoping for.  But everyone said Corollas are good, dependable cars.  And this car had one thing going for it in my mind...it's blue, my favorite color.  But this isn't just any blue...

You may remember that I am a fan of Doctor Who.

This is the TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimensions In Space), Doctor Who's ship, which can travel anywhere in time and space.

The moment I got truly excited about my new car for the first time, was the moment I realized, it's TARDIS blue. 

Then, I drove it for the first time.  I actually, genuinely like it.  Tauruses, for being sedans, are actually big cars, they're long and wide and I always felt it was too much car for me.  The Corolla is nice, it's little but big enough for Elijah's car seat, and it drives very well.  It also has almost all the little things I wanted like power locks and doors and a CD player and remote unlock.  The only things it's lacking are an auxiliary audio jack for my iPod, and remote start, which I really want.

The first couple times I drove the Corolla, I had so much fun.  That was before I realized it doesn't change anything about driving...driving is the same...

And, when I said the Taurus used to belong to my grandparents what I meant was I purchased it from my uncles after my grandmother passed away.  When I opened it's trunk the first time, I found two pairs of shoes tied together.  I don't know which one of my grandparents they belonged to; I like to think one was his and one was hers, but they were probably both his.  And for the next four years, I drove around old shoes in the trunk because I couldn't bear to get rid of them.

 This is what I saw the first time I popped the trunk on the Corolla:

Nathan moved them to the new car.

Have I Told You Lately...

...how much I hate driving, and cars?  Because if I haven't, let me assure you, it hasn't diminished at all.  If anything, it's gotten worse.

Take yesterday and this morning for example.  I got in my car to come home from work last night and the minute the ignition was turned, the car started shuddering, really seriously, shuddering, the whole car.

I sighed, decided it would probably work itself out as I drove, and turned into the dark night time streets.  As I headed out into the country between where I work and where I live, my check engine light, which is usually on, started flashing.  I realized it had been a while since I got my oil changed and decided that was probably the issue.

This morning, I got Elijah fed, napped, and ready to go and we headed up to Dekalb for an oil change and lunch with Nathan.  As we were leaving Wal-Mart, where we got the oil changed, the car was still shuddering, check engine light still flashing.

After lunch with Nathan, he got in so he could drive it and see how it handled and of course, of course, it was perfect.  Grrr...All this does is reinforce my desire to live somewhere with an extensive public transportation system, so that I can forget I ever learned how to drive.

To my car's credit, it is 12 years old and has been driven hard in those years, it used to belong to my grandparents, and they drove it to Texas and back once or twice. It has also been inadvertently beaten up a little bit.

However, when we do have to replace my car, this is what I want:

A candy blue new model Ford Fiesta.  It's roomier than it looks and surprisingly nice.  Not that this will make me want to drive.

Today, I conquered the world.

Today, I conquered the world...or at least it felt like it.

Because, for the first time in my life, I drove myself into Downtown Chicago and back, alone, to a doctor's appointment.  And, I didn't freak out too much on the interstate, and I didn't get lost...not once.  Come on, that's awesome!  I didn't take any exists I shouldn't have, I didn't make any wrong turns.  Granted, I had a GPS to guide me and I called on God Almighty and half the Saints in Heaven for prayers, but it's still cool. This is something I've been putting off making myself do for 27 years and frankly, I'm surprised it worked out for that long.  The remarkableness  of that statistic is due to my mother's willingness to juggle her schedule and come with me.  It just didn't work this time.

Not only that, I handled an issue with my referral on my own.  Yes, I called my mother to complain about it and to be reassured I could, in fact, handle it.  Hey, I'm not a superhero.  But I got everything straightened out and under control.  I was early to my appointment, which was for a cardiac MRI, and everything worked out fine.

But then...I found out they wanted to use dye to get some of the images right and  that meant an IV.  This was also the very first time I have ever been anywhere and gotten an IV completely by myself.  And I did not cry.  My eyes welled up a little, but it's not the same thing.

If it had been up to me, most of what was cool about today probably would not have happened because I would have taken someone with me.  But it is nice to know that I can get through these things on my own.  It seems that Medical Me is growing up.  Who would have thought it? 

On a slightly different, but not unrelated topic, if you happen to go down I-290 into Chicago anytime soon you will pass Rush St. Luke's Medical Center.  The first building you will see in that complex is several stories of older-fashioned red brick design.  There is a ledge running around the middle of it.  Check out the window on the end just above the ledge as you drive by.  That window was my window.  I was born in Downer's Grove and they sent me almost immediately by ambulance to Rush and my mom once told me that she used to walk me down to that window and talk to me and watch the traffic go by outside.  (I tried to find a picture of that building, but they just built a new facility at Rush, so all the pictures I located were of the new building.)

I hope there's no driving in Heaven.

Not only do I hate driving, I hate cars and everything to do with them. On my way in to work today, my little red neon lost its power steering. Not that big of a deal, except that it meant I had to turn the wheel really hard. At lunch, I went to Target to see if I could add power steering fluid and fix the problem.

It took me about five minutes to find the power steering fluid and then as I was taking the cap off the reservoir in the car, it slipped out of my fingers and fell down into the engine compartment, getting stuck.

I have a very generous 45-minute lunch break, that at this point, was slipping away from me. I called into work and told them I would be back late, then, at Nathan's suggestion, went back into Target to buy something long and slender, with which to knock the cap out of the car onto the ground. I found camping forks.

It took quite a while because at first I just knocked the cap farther down so it was resting on the axle. Then a nice gentleman stopped and asked if he could help. After a few more minutes fighting with the cap, I finally knocked it onto the ground and he pushed my car back for me so I could get the cap.

An afternoon of phone calls followed, trying to figure out what to do about the car. In the end I drove it to our mechanic in DeKalb where my in-laws (whom I love) picked me up and drove me to Pecatonica (which is pronounced how it looks) where I borrowed my grandmother's car. I did not return home until 9:38.

I sincerely hope that when I make it to Heaven, there is no driving.

I saw a Mini Cooper today.

If I've never been where I'm going to, chances are high I'm going to get lost on the way, or at least think I've gotten lost. It's a fun sensation that includes fear, anxiety, tears, and near-hyperventilation.

Or at least, it used to. The thing is, my dad is an expert at finding his way and navigating a map. He also absolutely loves Austin MINI Coopers. I went to college three and a half hours from home and on my first time driving back, I didn't recognize where I was and started to panic.

As I was driving along freaking out and beginning to dial the phone, an electric blue MINI Cooper drove by and I thought of my dad and realized everything was going to be okay. I calmed down and started recognizing the landscape around me.

Now, like today, everytime I see a Mini, I think of my dad and suddenly feel better about whatever it is that is bothering me or stressing me out.

How I Hate Driving

My absolute least favorite activity of any typical day is driving. I hated it in Drivers Ed and I hate it now. This wasn't a problem when I worked six minutes from home. It's a big problem now that my commute is anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and 15.

Unfortunately this makes me very nervous and gives me, if not quite road rage, at least road anxiety. It started to get bad a few months ago and I decided I needed to figure out a way to calm down and be a more courteous driver.

Everytime something happens that makes me nervous or upset, I say three Hail Marys. One for the person who caused my anxiety, that they reach their destination safely. One for me, that I get where I am going safely and one that everyone else on the road gets where they need to be.

I found it has cut down on my anxiety and fear a lot and helped me to understand others dislike the driving experience as much as I.