This is something that never even crossed my mind when Nathan and I were in the midst of the adoption process. Here's a scenario which has played out several times since we brought Elijah home:
Random Stranger sees Pretty Lady with Adorable Newborn and decides to ask Pretty Lady questions about her pregnancy. I really never even considered this happening. Was I being naive?
Mom and I went shopping in Rockford the other day and had lunch at Olive Garden. Seeing that I had ordered a Diet Coke, the waitress, who was very nice, asked if it was true that drinking caffeine during pregnancy makes for less calm babies.
We then went to the mall where we stopped at Victoria's Secret because I needed new bras. The floor attendant got ready to measure my bust and asked me if it was the first time I had been measured "since baby."
It's not so much a problem that this is catching me off guard, the problem is I don't know how to respond without telling everyone in the world that Elijah is adopted. It's not a bad thing that he is, but I don't want people seeing him as my "adopted son," just my son.
I've also run into a similar problem with people I know, but don't see as often. I don't know why, but ever since we made the decision to adopt, I assumed everyone we knew would know that's what we were doing. Turns out, not so much. Every time I see someone whom I haven't seen in a while and don't interact with on Facebook, they see Elijah, get really excited and say, "I didn't know you had a baby!"
Well...I didn't, but I do.
If there are any other adoptive moms out there who have run into similar situations and have advice how to handle this, I'd appreciate it. Any non-adoptive moms with advice would be welcome, too. :)
Monday, May 21, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Screen Time
This is the biggest parenting dilemma I have come across so far.
If you know Nathan and I, you probably know we don't watch television. We have a TV and it is hooked up to the power so we can watch movies, but not to any source of TV programing. The only things I really watch are Dr. Who on Netflix and The Big Bang Theory occasionally on CBS.com or the DVD seasons we have and Pushing Daisies on DVD. Nathan watches even less than I do.
And since we've brought Elijah home, I get really uncomfortable any time he is around any screens. Occasionally, we watch vintage clips of Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers on You Tube. But even children's shows make me uncomfortable. And this really isn't just television, this is any screen. I get antsy when he looks at the computer, too. But, usually when I check my e-mail in the morning, he's sitting on my lap.
I don't even know why it bothers me so much. We watched TV growing up and so did Nathan and his sister. But for some reason, any time Elijah is in the room and there is a screen on, I have to fight the urge to pick him up and go elsewhere.
The only exception was last week, there was a day when it was so hot, Elijah did not want to be held or cuddled and I was getting tired of being screamed at. So I put him in his bouncy chair and pointed it at the TV and we watched Disney's Robin Hood, the one with the foxes. I tried watching a movie we ordered from Netflix while we were playing on the floor, but every time he looked at the screen, I felt a surge of panic and ended up turning it off after about ten minutes.
Instead we listen to a lot of music around here, and we read a lot of books. We go for long walks, and play on the floor.
I realize this complete avoidance of television is probably not good for him, either. I just haven't been able to make myself okay with exposing him to it yet.
**Please understand I am not trying to pass judgement on anyone whose children watch TV. I'm just trying to figure out how things will work for us.**
If you know Nathan and I, you probably know we don't watch television. We have a TV and it is hooked up to the power so we can watch movies, but not to any source of TV programing. The only things I really watch are Dr. Who on Netflix and The Big Bang Theory occasionally on CBS.com or the DVD seasons we have and Pushing Daisies on DVD. Nathan watches even less than I do.
And since we've brought Elijah home, I get really uncomfortable any time he is around any screens. Occasionally, we watch vintage clips of Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers on You Tube. But even children's shows make me uncomfortable. And this really isn't just television, this is any screen. I get antsy when he looks at the computer, too. But, usually when I check my e-mail in the morning, he's sitting on my lap.
I don't even know why it bothers me so much. We watched TV growing up and so did Nathan and his sister. But for some reason, any time Elijah is in the room and there is a screen on, I have to fight the urge to pick him up and go elsewhere.
The only exception was last week, there was a day when it was so hot, Elijah did not want to be held or cuddled and I was getting tired of being screamed at. So I put him in his bouncy chair and pointed it at the TV and we watched Disney's Robin Hood, the one with the foxes. I tried watching a movie we ordered from Netflix while we were playing on the floor, but every time he looked at the screen, I felt a surge of panic and ended up turning it off after about ten minutes.
Instead we listen to a lot of music around here, and we read a lot of books. We go for long walks, and play on the floor.
I realize this complete avoidance of television is probably not good for him, either. I just haven't been able to make myself okay with exposing him to it yet.
**Please understand I am not trying to pass judgement on anyone whose children watch TV. I'm just trying to figure out how things will work for us.**
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
A Few Things
Things that are hard:
Keeping up with this blog while working third shift and taking care of my son. Can you tell? I've been back to work since my last post and in all that time I haven't found a moment when I had the time and energy to update. We've just come through the two most trying weeks of life since we brought Elijah home. And my least favorite part about them has been:
When other people have to step in to help take care of Elijah. We are really lucky to live close to both my parents and Nathan's parents. We are also lucky that they are all crazy about our little guy and don't mind watching him for us. That said, I hate it when I have to ask them to. If being back at work has done anything it has made me more aware of time. I only have so much time at home with him now, and I want it all. So what if I've only slept 2 hours in the last 24? I want my baby, damn it.
Taking care of the house. Not in general, mind. Just while I was on thirds. I would get home from work, feed the baby and take a nap with him. After that, the days are kind of a blur of playing with him and wishing Nathan would get home. Then, when Nathan got him, I dragged myself up to bed to sleep until I had to wake up for work. House chores kind of fell away. I washed bottles only when we didn't have any clean and the laundry definitely piled up untended.
Admitting how happy I am to be on seconds. I love third shift...love it. I love the hours, the work, the people. Everything about third shift is great. Or was. But now, I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to be working from 3 to 11. I get to sleep like a normal person, and wake up at a normal hour. I get to play with my son and not have a haze of exhaustion keeping me from enjoying myself. I am so happy to be on seconds.
Things that are great:
Elijah's progress. We went out for a birthday dinner tonight and as we sat at the table, me holding Elijah, my plate started sliding towards me. I looked down and his tiny hand was clamped around the edge. He has started rolling over and can sit relatively straight for periods of time, while he's supported. He laughs--my favorite sound ever. He has started vocalizing a lot more and we think he might be starting to get a tooth. And he sleeps through the night for the most part. He's just great.
Nathan. I have Nathan. How lucky am I?
Getting books for my birthday. All Our Worldly Goods by Irene Nemirovsky and Your Personal Penguin by Sandra Boynton. Yes, that last one was for Elijah, but I don't care. I love it.
Doctor Who. Nathan used to tell me I should watch Doctor Who. He said I'd love it, but I ignored him, because it seemed like such a strange show. But he was right. I started watching it when Elijah was about a month old and we were still spending quite a bit of time in the sun room. I love it. More than I've loved any show for quite a while, I love it. And in case you have any Doctor Who background and you're curious: 9 is by far my favorite, but I also love 11.
English folk music: Kate Rusby, June Tabor, Seth Lakeman, Eddi Reader, Smithfield Fair, all great. Can't get enough of them.
Keeping up with this blog while working third shift and taking care of my son. Can you tell? I've been back to work since my last post and in all that time I haven't found a moment when I had the time and energy to update. We've just come through the two most trying weeks of life since we brought Elijah home. And my least favorite part about them has been:
When other people have to step in to help take care of Elijah. We are really lucky to live close to both my parents and Nathan's parents. We are also lucky that they are all crazy about our little guy and don't mind watching him for us. That said, I hate it when I have to ask them to. If being back at work has done anything it has made me more aware of time. I only have so much time at home with him now, and I want it all. So what if I've only slept 2 hours in the last 24? I want my baby, damn it.
Taking care of the house. Not in general, mind. Just while I was on thirds. I would get home from work, feed the baby and take a nap with him. After that, the days are kind of a blur of playing with him and wishing Nathan would get home. Then, when Nathan got him, I dragged myself up to bed to sleep until I had to wake up for work. House chores kind of fell away. I washed bottles only when we didn't have any clean and the laundry definitely piled up untended.
Admitting how happy I am to be on seconds. I love third shift...love it. I love the hours, the work, the people. Everything about third shift is great. Or was. But now, I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to be working from 3 to 11. I get to sleep like a normal person, and wake up at a normal hour. I get to play with my son and not have a haze of exhaustion keeping me from enjoying myself. I am so happy to be on seconds.
Things that are great:
Elijah's progress. We went out for a birthday dinner tonight and as we sat at the table, me holding Elijah, my plate started sliding towards me. I looked down and his tiny hand was clamped around the edge. He has started rolling over and can sit relatively straight for periods of time, while he's supported. He laughs--my favorite sound ever. He has started vocalizing a lot more and we think he might be starting to get a tooth. And he sleeps through the night for the most part. He's just great.
Nathan. I have Nathan. How lucky am I?
Getting books for my birthday. All Our Worldly Goods by Irene Nemirovsky and Your Personal Penguin by Sandra Boynton. Yes, that last one was for Elijah, but I don't care. I love it.
Doctor Who. Nathan used to tell me I should watch Doctor Who. He said I'd love it, but I ignored him, because it seemed like such a strange show. But he was right. I started watching it when Elijah was about a month old and we were still spending quite a bit of time in the sun room. I love it. More than I've loved any show for quite a while, I love it. And in case you have any Doctor Who background and you're curious: 9 is by far my favorite, but I also love 11.
English folk music: Kate Rusby, June Tabor, Seth Lakeman, Eddi Reader, Smithfield Fair, all great. Can't get enough of them.
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